THE FUNERAL!

The next morning, the rain and the humidity have passed as the Callahan couple welcome those who are at the Baptist Church. Both the Callahans had been brought up Catholic, but they fell away from the Church and are now Baptists. It's amazing that most of the family only go to church around Christmas and Easter. But when they learned 4 years ago that their daughter Anna had joined Rainbow Girls, they were flabbergasted.

"I don't know why you join a secret society like that," Veronica told her daughter before she went to the Lodge for her initiation.

"Look, Mom," Anna told her, "all the ministers and their families belong to the Masonic lodge, and Rainbow is full of some of their daughters. I might be able to change the world for the better."

"I forbid you from joining that place," Tyler told her.

"It's my life, and you don't order me around!" Anna shouted as she stormed out.

"Forget about coming back!" Tyler screamed as she stormed out.

Now, she's dead, and Tyler and Veronica are wondering what they did wrong.

"What did we do to deserve this, Tyler?" Veronica asks him.

"I don't know," Tyler replies.

After the hour visitation, Anna's assembly holds a Rainbow funeral service which lasts about 45 minutes, followed by the funeral of the church, which lasts for about an hour. The presider, who's the worshipful master of the lodge, speaks about Anna's committment to changing the world for the better.

"Despite all the problems she had with the family," Rev. John E. Thomas, the senior minister of the church, says, "Anna was a person who believed in others. Jesus told us that we're not meant to be selfish. We're meant to be loving and selfless in all we do. I remember the night when the Worthy Advisor of the..."

"Yeah," someone in the congregation stands up. "Wasn't that the night Corrine got herself shot?"

"Charlie, is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me." Then he starts shouting, "That's what happens to people who join a lodge. They get themselves in hellfire eventually. You know..."

"Shut up, Charlie! Where were you last night for the Master Mason degree?"

"Didn't you get my petition for withdrawal?"

"Yeah, I did, and you shouldn't..."

"You may not know this," Charlie shouts, "but this man's a Devil worshipper! I left the Masonic Lodge because it's part of the New World Order set-up! This whole church is full of 'em! I'm glad I got out of the Lodge and I'm demanding that this dickhead step down as Pastor! And all of the hierarchy in this..."

"How dare you!" Rev. John shouts. "Get out!"

"This is what's happening, folks!" Charlie shouts. "These men are serviing a demon god during the week and the Lord on Sunday! But who are they praying to? I'll tell you who they're praying to! They're playing to Satan, Hitler and the Ayatullah Khomeini!"

"Listen, you piece of shit!" Rev. John snaps. "You get outta here or I'll have you arrested!"

"I'll get out," Charlie snarls, "but I warn you: you'll be joining that bitch in Hell if you don't come out!"  And then he says to the congregation, "This church is a witches coven and you're all a bunch of devil worshippers!"

"That's enough!" Rev. John shouts as he charges down the aisle before Charlie takes off.  "Don't you ever come in here again, you son of a bitch!  Because if you do, I'll cut your balls off and leave your fucking corpse bleeding to death!"

"Bullshit!" Charlie screams.  "Fuck you and your whole Masonic order!  And you can take your Lambskin apron and stick up up your ass!"

Several people, many in tears, get up and leave the funeral. It takes 20 minutes before Rev. John can go on, but he manages to get the job done.

After that, the body is taken to the local cemetery for burial.

The sun is finally coming out as the after funeral gathering takes place at the Callahans' home. People are enjoying the food and having some conversation that takes their minds off of what's happened.

"Veronica," one of the Callahans' neighbors says, "my heart breaks for you after hearing that you've got 2 different..."

"Don't feel sorry for me, Nora," Veronica smiles, "feel sorry for my doctors. They don't know what they're talking about anyway."

"Hey, Tyler," one of the pallbearers, a brunette named Kelly, says to him, "I heard that a Filippino couple bought out the Sweet Shop."

"That's not true," Tyler replies. "I heard that a pair of Indians were buying the shop."

"They're just the owners," Kelly says. "Whenever they buy a store or something, they hire people outside of the family."

"You're kidding!" Veronica says.

"No, I'm not," Kelly says. "In fact," she smiles, "I'm gonna walk down and give them some of my biz!" And she strolls out.

As Kelly walks into the Sweet Shop, the TV is on with a startling announcement.

"It started as friendly competition in Marshvegas," the announcer intoned. "Two different groups trying to upstage each other."

"What's happened to the penny candy?" Kelly asks.

"We had to jack up the prices," the lady behind the counter, a lady from Cebu, replies. "It's now starting at 25 cents."

"You're shitting me!" Kelly says.

Meanwhile, the TV goes on saying, "Now, everybody is at each other's throat."

"You know the economy the way it is," the lady continues.

"This is a ripoff," Kelly responds.

"Caffeine Free Diet Coke brings you WWE Summerslam!" the announcer shouts. "The Tooting Tootsies versus the Fireflies! Coming soon to pay per view."

After that's done, a Mandarin announcer extols the virtue of eating at a local Chinese buffet in Hanover. Meanwhile, Kelly decides to pick some sour balls, a couple of Tootsie Rolls and a few moon pies.

"$4.50 please," the lady says.

Kelly hands her a $5 bill and says, "Keep The Change," after which she walks out. The counter lady mutters something in Tagalog that is untranslatable.  Meanwhile, another TV announcer says, "The Weisenheimer Company, the exclusive US distributors of Screw Hitler!, Paul Revere, Nanu Nanu!, Chairman Mao, Shazbot!,  and Dan Cupid Beers presents News And Propaganda from the People's Republic of China."

Suddenly, a Chinese newscaster appears on the screen and shouts out reports from the PRC on the CCP's President getting kicked in the nuts in a biscuit factory near the Tibetan border.

The next day, against Tyler's angry rantings, Veronica is put into an ambulance for a trip to the local assisted living facility.

"You mother fucking creeps!" Tyler shouts.  "I can take care of her by myself."

"No, you can't," his brother Gene says.  "You can't help a woman who's suffering from 2 neurological disorders at the same time."

"I'm not taking this lying down!" Tyler retorts.

"You'll suck this up and like it!" Gene shouts back.

"Fuck, No!" Tyler screams.  "I won't suck it up, and I won't like it!"

"Don't make me have your head cut off!" Gene snarls.

"Let go of me!" Veronica yells.  "This is my home!  I want to stay here!"

"You can't stay here, Veronica!" one of the nurses says.

"This is my home!" Veronica yells.  "You can't do this!  This is my life!  This is my family!"

"You have to come, Veronica," the nurse says.  "It's better this way.  If you stay here, you'll end up becoming a vegetable."

"I don't give a damn!" Veronica replies, bursting into tears.  "Tyler, please help me!"

"I'm sorry, dear," Tyler says helplessly, himself crying.  "I'll be up to visit you later today."

"Tyler!" Veronica screams as the ambulance door is closed and the vehicle pulls out.

"Gene, I'll kill you!" Tyler shouts at his brother.  He throws a rock towards him and bolts back into the house.  Gene ducks and the rock hits a Chinese woman in the jaw.  The woman dressed in black slacks and a red shirt flies over the lawn of a nearby house and collapses in sobbing.  Gene runs over and tries to help her, but the woman pushes him aside and runs away.

"You bastard!" Gene screams as Tyler closes the door.  "You treat people like dogs!"

Tyler opens the door and screams, "They are dogs!"  And then he slams the door shut again!


To be continued....