A BAD PAIR OF COMMERCIALS!

As Tyler switches on one of the local Periwinkle Village channels, he finds a Portuguese channel doing a beer commercial.

"Festeja Com Heil Hitler!  A Cerveja Das Nazis Brasileras..."

He switches to another channel.

"If you will elect me as your next Governor, I will see to it that all the Jews are killed!  Also, I will see to it that all blacks are sent back to Africa..."

He switches the channel to ESPN's live coverage of the FIFA Champions League first round match between Baby Acorn of Japan and Shamrock Rovers of Ireland.  It's a boring match being played in the Dubai soccer stadium with rain following in torrents.

"Kubota's tripped over the ball," the commentator yells.  "He's split his head open!"  Suddenly, the screen goes blank.  After about 20 seconds, the picture shows a promo for "The Wedding Of Dan Cupid and Richard Clifford...Has Been Called Off."

Tyler switches off the TV and heads to bed.  But he can't sleep, so he goes back down to the TV and turns the game back on.  It's into stoppage time of the second half and there's still no score.  He switches to another channel to find an old MGM cartoon called "Peace On Earth."  But he catches just as the female squirrel sings "Sleep In Heavenly Peace" to her kids on Christmas Eve.

The title "Peace On Earth" appears with a sun rising in the heavens.  He switches back to the game.

"And there's the whistle," the commentator says as the referee blows his whistle.  "And the match is over.  With Eiji Kubota hurt in this match, who knows what will happen to Baby Acorn now?  It's 0-0 between them and Shamrock Rovers.  Stay tuned for Sports Center, which follows immediately." 

Tyler switches the channel to see an Asian woman dressed in a white blouse and a dark blue pleated skirt.  Her hands are tied behind her back and rope encircles her torso.
"Hello, you naughty boys out there," she says.  "Welcome to the Bondage Overnight, featuring the best in ladies all tied up and loving every minute of it.  Tonight, our first feature is called..."

He switches the channel to find the cast of Wacky Races singing the "Aloha" song.  He then turns the TV off again and goes back to bed.

Outside his house, someone yells "Sieg Heil!"  He pulls out a gun and shoots at him, but he dodges the bullets and disappears into the night.

To be continued...

PLUNGED INTO MOURNING!

The past 3 days have been a nervous wreck for the townspeople of Periwinkle Village.  69 high school students were killed on Friday night when a youth rode into the Rockland ballroom on Rte. 139 and started shooting at people before throwing a hand grenade into the roof.  It caused an electrical fire which spread like hell in a matter of minutes.  Over 150 others are injured. The Periwinkle Village school department has already cancelled graduation ceremonies, saying that the surviving grads will receive their diplomas by mail.
The first of several dozen funerals are taking place at several local churches, including St. John's Catholic Church on the beach and the First Baptist Church.  Funeral services are being said at other churches around the South Shore.  One of the churches in Plympton was unavailable for a service, since it had scheduled a same sex wedding with a lesbian couple doing a bondage ceremony.  Outside the church, the pastor had hung a banner over the door saying "We Rejoice in Equal Marriage."  Someone was so mad about it that he threw a rock with a couple of firecrackers attached to it.  The door was knocked down and the banner went up in flames.  Fortunately, no one was hurt.
Several burial services are scheduled on Tuesday with dozens of participants expected.  Next Friday, a memorial service is planned in Periwinkle Village Town Square.  There's a report that the Fourth of July celebrations will be cancelled, but nothing's come to pass.
Meanwhile, Tyler's wife is having trouble with the nurses in the nursing home.  She is so devastated with 2 neurological conditions going through her body and ravaging it.